rachael anne rules the world

a new home...

2009-10-20T07:57:00.001-05:00

obviously i haven't been posting here for a while...did the wedding blog for a bit and now i have found a new permanent place to write, so check it out!

http://rachaelannewarner.com

xoxo!

hey you guys!

2009-03-18T16:06:00.004-05:00

go here:

http://www.rawandnoj.com/2009/03/16/we-need-a-slogan/

and leave us some ideas for our wedding slogan!

you CAN doit!

pinko commie capitalist...

2009-03-16T09:53:00.003-05:00

we are unlikely to prevent greed in the future by feeding it now. i am neither a politician nor an economist. but as a person with a fairly developed set of values, i cannot imagine how anyone who genuinely seeks to create a system that allows people to thrive would reasonably expect that to happen by pumping more and more money into the hands of the greedy...the PROVEN greedy.

i am a socialist of sorts...not in philosophy of government, but in hope for humanity. i don't necessarily believe that it's a good idea for the government to collect all of the shoes that everyone owns and then redistribute them to make sure everyone has a pair. but i do believe that if i have twelve pairs of shoes in my closet that i don't wear, then i should be sharing them with people who have no shoes. and i should not feel good, worthy, wealthy, or special about having excess when others are in need of basics.

as for government...i'm okay with capitalism...let the businesspeople argue and fight and manipulate one another...let the winners win and the losers lose. i still (insanely enough) believe in goodness. i believe that most people are not interested in hurting other people. and therefore, i believe that in a system of free enterprise and competition, when a person's greed overwhelms their usefulness, they fall. kinda darwin-y...

and i do think that the private citizens who have achieved abundance will share their abundance. and those who will not will be lonely.

but none of these ideals, lofty as they may be, will work...

...not if the government steps in, refuses to allow the greedy to fall (naturally selected) because of this tragic flaw...then not only does the concept fail, but we fail as a people...we learn nothing from our tragedy, we fail to remain human, and we all...fall...down.

oh yeah...

2009-03-11T20:42:00.002-05:00

...i meant to tell you...what with the whole ordination thing (and 2 big meetings with votes coming up for certification), taking a team to belize in a few weeks, planning for a summer camp in june, and the little wedding we're throwing in august...i've been busy and not finding much time to blog.

BUT...we have a wedding site going now, and i am trying to do a few entries over there to keep it going, so check that out!

RAW and NOJ

wow...how cool!

2009-02-23T21:10:00.003-06:00

here we are! one year ago on february 23, i met jon at the mall of america. here's an excerpt from my blog entry about it:

saturday afternoon i met up with jon at the MOA and we walked...and talked...for a bajillion and three hours. it was good. we didn't even go in any stores. we went to a late movie - jumper, which was incredibly disappointing.

heh heh heh...that's kinda funny! anyway, we met in front of sears, so we went back to the mall of america today and walked around. here we are at sears!

the proposal was pretty romantic. we had been watching tv shows last night and i (as always) fell asleep because i was pretty wiped out. jon woke me up at midnight and said, happy anniversary!!

and i was groggy. then he said, time for presents! and got out a box...and he said, now i don't want you to be upset...i did get you jewelry...i'm not quite ready to propose just yet, but i figured it was time for you to have some jewelry from me...and he gave me this really cool ring...

...so i put it on and told him i loved it, which i did, but inside i was kinda disappointed...and then he gave me a movie (JUMPER, of course!)...then he said there's one more present and he ran out of the room...soooo first i was pep talking myself not to be disappointed about the ring...then i thought maybe he bought a car.

...sooooo after a few minutes he yelled, you have to come out here for this one and i went into the kitchen and he was in a tux (i was in sweatpants!), on one knee, with the real ring and he said, so i was wondering if maybe you want to get married? and i was frozen and then i said yes and it was amazing...

...then i said, why did you do it at midnight? now i can't call my mom! and he said, you could probably call her...she knows about this... and i said, what? and he told me that on wednesday of last week while i was working late he drove an hour to meet my parents for dinner and talk to them about it!

...annnnd then i started to cry.

and now we're gonna get MARRIED!

ah-maz-ing.

xoxo!

one year later...

2009-02-23T11:10:00.004-06:00

well i WAS feeling guilty about not blogging, but somehow this seems like an appropriate next post, so i guess things have a way of working out...

one year ago today i met jon warner...and at midnight, one year later, he asked me to marry him. and i couldn't possibly want anything more in the world than to be his wife. life is feeling pretty amazing today!

i'll give you more details soon...but for now, i'm too excited to type...

xoxo

one year later...

2009-02-04T08:53:00.002-06:00

i know that they miss her. i know that i miss her. i know that there's a miracle in the way we all remember this particularly beautiful soul.

i hope there will be time for writing today.

i love you.

2009-01-31T09:18:00.001-06:00

thank goodness for this...

2009-01-28T11:01:00.002-06:00

well, my friends, it's been busy to say the least in the week since i've written. pretty much every day i want to write, but i end up so worn out that i don't bother. it's bad news.

some events of the past 7 days include:

my boss went to africa

i wrote a sermon and preached at 2 services

cat and i organized a GIANT mall of america scavenger hunt for the kiddos

i found out that someone i care about enough to get involved has found themselves in a very messy situation involving trying to help a stranger who then took this person for almost all they had...many, many thousands of dollars

i ordered my candidacy guidebook and filled out an interests survey to get moving along on the ordination process

i am working on writing a musical of sorts (or a play that incorporates music) for/with the kids about the prophets of the old testament told through present day teenager eyes

i'd really really like to get my poetry manuscript done in february

annnnnd....that's more than enough, i insist.

the photo is jon with myma, whose family are our friends...no matter how hectic, i must admit that life doesn't get much better.

hope you are living with hope and love in the midst of crises and struggles.

xoxo.

i am getting older...

2009-01-21T15:14:00.002-06:00

...and more and more boring, i'm afraid. my life lately has consisted of moving (thank god we're done with THAT...now there's just the unpacking!), working, and watching 5-10 consecutive episodes of arrested development a day with jon (which is cool because the show is clever AND amusing and jon is...well, amusing).

i guess it's the minnesota, cold weather, dark mornings, post holiday blues or something...life is wonderful and still i feel kind of cranky and dreary. the STEELERS are going to te SUPERBOWL, something that kind of snuck up on me because i just didn't see it coming so soon after the last one. barack OBAMA is our new president...exciting and humbling and hope-inducing. i'm almost finished with my poetry manuscript, i'm working on the ordination stuff, i'm getting all kinds of great opportunities at work AND a raise, i get to go to belize in a few months. good, good, good stuff. i think it's january in minnesota...trouble is, it doesn't get much better until march and i cannot afford to be crabby for that long.

soooo, tell me something good and make me smile!

xoxo.

Pittsburgh's Going to the SUPER BOWL!

2009-01-19T10:10:00.003-06:00

we're pretty excited in minnesota! and here's a gratuitous adorable children photo:

No school = No work!

2009-01-15T20:18:00.002-06:00

well...the good news is that school is canceled for the kids tomorrow, so i don't have to get up at dawn's buttcrack to drive across two cities to lead our before-school bible study. the bad news is that school is canceled for the kids tomorrow because it is TOO DAMN COLD for a school bus to run. now, these are not old, rickety, run down buses. oh no...these are state of the art, automatic starter, rich kid suburban buses. and it's TOO COLD for them...which means it's REALLY EFFING COLD.

right this very moment? -14 degrees...yeah...not counting wind chill. tomorrow morning's forecast? -20 without wind chill. that's sick. but fear not, dear friends...this weekend we're getting a heat wave and should be back up into more humane temps in the 20s.

xoxo

all i know is we don't live here anymore...

2009-01-14T13:52:00.002-06:00

moved. turned in the keys today. exhausted - everyone is exhausted...cat is, and jon is, and i am.

cranky, too. but having a good day at work so far...for some reason i seem to have a far-reaching excitement for work projects, and so, i take a lot of them on...which is cool but can be overwhelming!

writing a musical about prophets and facebook for the kids...crazy stuff.

how have you been, i've missed you.

xoxo.

rachael's three word movie reviews, 1/14/09

2009-01-14T13:48:00.003-06:00

slumdog millionaire: compelling, beautiful, wise

bangkok dangerous: cage should retire

eagle eye: better than expected

my best friend's girl: wow, that's awful

just one quick thing:

2009-01-11T16:34:00.001-06:00

GO STEELERS!

moving...

2009-01-09T10:55:00.002-06:00

well, it's moving weekend and i am already sick of it. this time around seems to be a little easier - things stay a little more organized over 1 year than over several. last night cat and i got some pizzas and had a packing party. some of our friends came over and boxed up the kitchen for us and then carried a full load of stuff down to go in jon's truck. it was awesome having that extra help and it was a much needed boost to our morale to get moving on things! jon has been MAJORLY helpful, too...he's just one of those get-things-done guys, and that's just what we need right now.

my room and my bathroom are packed and emptied. i am transporting car loads today. most of the kitchen is done, and the living room is very close to finished. then tomorrow and sunday we focus on getting the big furniture pieces moved to their respective future locations.

and on thursday morning we turn over the keys and that's the end of that! it never gets easier OR more fun to move, but it is exciting to keep moving forward with life.

rachael's three word movie reviews, 1/6/09

2009-01-06T14:10:00.002-06:00

burn after reading: quirky, thoughtful, surprising

prince caspian: long, narnia-riffic, drowsy

sunday school musical: christians ARE gay!

the secret life of the american teenager...

2009-01-04T20:13:00.001-06:00

...seriously?

i am not impressed.

photo mc photos from christmas #1

2009-01-04T19:52:00.004-06:00

here we are with jon's fam-damily in fargo, donchya know?

one of jon's presents for me...perhaps my most favorite one of all. he did some retouching on the photo and had it printed 12"x18" and framed it. ah-mazing.

another present jon got me - this little acer netbook laptop...a better computer than the laptop i had, and it fits in my purse and is lightweight and easy to carry around...and at work i just hook it up to my GIANT monitor! i LOVE it.

the first picture is a photograph jon took at the family farm of the corn crib in a snowstorm a few winters ago. the second picture is jon's christmas present from me - i got some painting lessons from my AMAZING friend penny and i painted it for him.

here we are with jon's family at his parents' house on christmas eve...

...and here we are, true to form, celebrating our own way.

we've still got more christmas to go with my family next weekend, so the fun continues!

oh-nine

2009-01-04T19:42:00.002-06:00

i hate the idea of taking down the christmas tree. it means that it's time to stop all the celebrating and relaxing and eating and switch gears into the working and cleaning and exercising...

...gone are the days of plenty, now is the time to earn that which we've already spent, be it money or calories or time.

and yet, there is something comforting about going back to a routine, even if it is a tiring one.

i really, really wrenched my neck somehow the other night in my sleep. it wasn't one of those slept-on-it-wrong-all-night kind of things, oh no, there was a definite moment when, half asleep, i felt my neck breaking and screamed out before finding the one position that didn't provoke excruciating pain and going back to sleep.

next up: a review and some christmas pictures.

xoxo love.

2008...

2008-12-31T19:45:00.003-06:00

it's been a full year. the fullest year i can ever remember having, and i've had some doozies before. so, as i sit in saint paul on new year's eve, avoiding the subzero outdoors, watching a marathon of the secret life of the american teenager so that i can try and know about what my kids are watching (and somewhat disturbed to see it, actually), i figured i'd do a brief summary...you know, for posterity.

some amazing new people entered my world...most notably early in the year the now infamous jon warner, and in october my amazingly beautiful neice, lauren. i[ve also celebrated with many of my friends as they've had babies.

some important people in my life left the world...mary ellen, chuck, my grandmother, my grandpa, al, and my fish lu.

i saw the world...belize, the boundary waters, sierra leone, a road trip to pennsylvania, and even christmas in north dakota!

i got tattoos, i had 800 hairstyles, i went on a 25 mile bike ride, i made a life changing decision to pursue ordination...

...there have been ups and there have been downs, but i live a pretty amazing life every day, and every day i am thankful for my family, friends, work, health, and as always, for love.

xoxo.

here's to 2009!

merry, merry...

2008-12-29T19:14:00.004-06:00

hey all...this one will be brief to get me back in the swing, with the hope that i'll get back into the blogging swing as the new year arrives. last week was rough; my sweet fish lu died, we had a funeral for our dear friend al, and then i learned that ANOTHER friend and mentor of mine has been diagnosed with an awful cancer that is causing her a great deal of pain. it's raining, it's pouring...i didn't blog then because i was determined not to be stuck inside sadness for christmas.

i'll blog some christmas present photos in the next day or so - right now i'm tired. we spent christmas eve first at my church, then at jon's parents' house, then at his aunt and uncle's place. we ate plenty and opened presents...and we were spoiled to be sure!

christmas day we loaded the truck and headed to FARGO (donchya know?) for a few days with jon's grandma and other assorted family. there was a great deal of post-holiday shopping, lots to eat, and games. we had fun; we need to sleep.

was your week merry?

xoxo.

so hot.

2008-12-16T21:38:00.002-06:00

seriously.

but don't tell him i said so.

ever blessing, ever blessed...

2008-12-15T09:47:00.002-06:00

well, i am feeling much better today, although i embark on this sub-zero day on a new adventure that is a bit wracking of the nerves. this will be a full week, as weeks tend to go, but i am looking forward to many holiday gatherings and chances to see friends and celebrate with them.

tonight is the big vote - the members of the congregation where i work will vote on whether or not to send me forth into the ordination process. if they vote yes, there's no real turning back for me...i'm on my way. if they vote no, it's all over. either option makes me nervous, though it's unlikely that there will be much dissension.

meanwhile, jon has a show tonight - a benefit for the family of his buddy who died rather suddenly, at age 36, last month. the show and the meeting are at pretty much the same time, so i'm HOPING that without ruffling feathers or coming across as disrespectful, i might be able to ask them to do the vote first so that i have some chance to get across town and catch a few songs. i've never seen jon play live AND i want to be there to support sebastian's family AND i will need to work off the nervous energy after the vote anyway. so say a prayer for me that all the timing works out tonight!

the rest of the week, though full of meetings and lunches and parties, will be a breeze!

how's your pre-holiday hustle coming along?

xoxo

today is EMO day...

2008-12-11T11:34:00.002-06:00

today i feel awful. i just want to sit and cry, which accomplishes nothing and only draws undesired attention. so i'm sitting in my office with the door closed, trying to gather up the composure to go down the hall and have lunch with the senior citizens...because i should and because they always bring really good potlucks.

i guess i'm just a little bit overwhelmed right now. i'm sick, which is the first reason why i shouldn't even be thinking about things because i am in no position to process anything rationally. i'm overtired because, being sick, i haven't been getting very good sleep this week and am still recovering from the marathon work weekend that destroyed my immune system in the first place.

also, i'm sad. my friend al is dying...sooner than later...and it's my job to suck it up and put on a smile and comfort everyone and that is wearing. yesterday i visited him and his wife at the hospice and he is now completely non-responsive and she is completely heart broken. it's excruciatingly beautiful to watch someone lose the person they have loved and lived with and made a family and a home with. it is more painful than i can describe, and at the same time it is simply breathtaking to witness that kind of love between two people.

add to this the pressure of a major career-changing and life-path-altering decision that i've made for myself and that now will be voted on by several hundred people on monday, after which point it will become very difficult to go back or to change my mind. i know it's what i need to do, but it's a major commitment and that's causing me some anxiety. also, the vote is happening at the exact same time that jon is playing a show across town, and i have yet to see him play a show, and probably missing this one causes me no small amount of disappointment.

and finally, in the midst of these other things, i'm feeling pretty burdened by the holiday frazzle-dazzle and it's making me want to scream. see, i love christmas...i love the quiet, warm, cozy feeling of it...the peace on earth stuff. i don't love trying to schedule a hundred get togethers and trying to live up to everyone's needs and wants and expectations. i fall short...i already know this. i'm used to being independent and i'm really struggling with letting that go, so i'm fighting for the sake of fighting instead of choosing the times when it's important and letting the rest just be...and at the end of the day it all just makes me feel frustrated with the people i love the most, which they find amusing, which makes me feel foolish and more upset. and who wants to be like that? i certainly don't.

it's all just whining. it's all minor and insignificant relative to the larger picture, and it will all clear up with a little time and a little rest and a little clarity of thought. unfortunately, i haven't reached the happy resolution to this entry yet, but here's hoping that it comes soon because i hate feeling like this.

xoxo.

the nature of the work...

2008-12-10T13:24:00.002-06:00

I thought I might get out of 2008 without losing another friend, but that appears not to be the case. Al has been one of my favorite people at work the whole time I've been here...he's got a lot of fire in him, and he sometimes says things he shouldn't...which is probably what I like best! He's a guy who has lived a full life and has an awesome family and whose health has faded over the last two years, so this will be a blessing for him...

...but I will miss him. I already do...

xoxo.

happy holidays from rachael, lu, and jon!

2008-12-04T13:43:00.001-06:00

oh, christmas tree!

2008-12-04T09:10:00.002-06:00

so jon got me a christmas tree at menards...because i really do love christmas and he really is a good boyfriend! he even got out his elf hat and rocked some christmas music through the house while we decorated it last night...it was AWESOME! i really love christmas...last year i tried to be tough and act like i didn't care, but the truth is that i DO care, that i DO love the holiday and the hustle and the bustle and the lights and the music and the cinnamon and the shiny stuff and wrapping presents and cookies and ALL of IT!

jon did some sort of elf magic ninja thing...

then we added lights to the tree...

...and ribbons...

...and ornaments!

i think we did a pretty good job for our first tree together! and i'm really excited to stuff all the presents under it and celebrate for another 20 days!

what are YOU doing for christmas (or...winter...)?

down in the city...photos from pittsburgh by jon warner

2008-12-04T08:35:00.005-06:00

you can go home again...but you might find out that it doesn't belong to you anymore...perhaps because it has changed, or perhaps because you have changed.

so we had a high school reunion...(Vacation Part III)

2008-12-04T08:23:00.004-06:00

that's right...i graduated from high school in a zombie-infested town called monroeville, pa in 1998...and three days later i moved to minnesota. i'm sure i've been back to the 'burgh less than 5 times since 1998, and the most recent of those has been at least 5 years ago now. so, the whole reunion thing was a bit of a trip. i had lost contact completely with most people from high school with the exception of one or two friends until recently when facebook use has made it possible to befriend and then web-stalk people's lives and see what they've been up to.

thanks to facebook photos, i was at least able to recognize people at the reunion. some of them are still hanging out together, and that is a bit strange. i felt a bit like the odd-one-out at times because as we spent time in monroeville and pittsburgh and at the party, it became more and more apparent to me that i am no longer a pennsylvanian. i was, and i loved my life there...but i'm not anymore. that is not home to me, just a nice place to visit and see old friends. my life and my home are in the twin cities, and i feel pretty good about that.

it was really fun working on planning the reunion with these ladies. melanie (on the far left next to me) was my very best friend for most of high school, and her family took care of me a lot when mine moved to minnesota. we stayed in contact for a while during college and then life took its natural course and our contact stretched more and more until we were out of touch. the coolest part of the event, for me, was that we stepped right back into things so easily. there are some people, i suspect, for whom your genuine love and appreciation is enough - those relationships don't rely on constant contact or gifts or conversations or even knowing everything about a person...they will simply always be important. i liked finding that out about my friendship with mel.

it was also fun to see andrea...you've seen her here before...i have hung out with her at least once or twice a year since she lives over in madison now - but we had to both travel all the way to pennsylvania to hang out this time! notice our senior pictures above our heads, thanks to jon's artistic vision!

and again, i will say...some people just matter to you and it is ALWAYS amazing to hear that they are happy and well and healthy and in love. this is my friend dante...and i don't intend to let ten years go by again.

sooooo...it was good, and awkward...and fun...and strange. as it must be, i suspect.

xoxo

Adventures in Vacationing Part II: Thanksgiving

2008-12-03T23:17:00.002-06:00

well, i think the pictures tell the tale. jon and i went to my sister-in-law sarah's dad's house for thanksgiving, and it was a really wonderful way to spend the day. we had a hotel room in monroeville, so we drove about 3.5 hours to thanksgiving, arriving around 1pm and were able to spend a few hours playing and snuggling with the kiddos before dinner. sarah's dad and brother and she made some really really good food...i personally was a big fan of the sweet potatoes and jon loved the biscuits!

my nephew is as funny as ever and my niece, as you can see (MOM) is beautiful!

i hope your thanksgiving was amazing as well...i know we have a lot to be thankful for.

xoxo

Vote Vote Vote!

2008-12-03T19:10:00.000-06:00

Rachael and Jon's Grand Adventure Part I

2008-12-02T17:00:00.006-06:00

our "vacation" was a trip east to visit some family and go to my high school reunion. we both got to take a whole week away from work, though, and that was pretty much amazing. i think we had both been getting dangerously close to burned out, and i know that i needed the time away before gearing up for the busy busy season at work!

day 1: we left saint paul around 3:30pm and drove to milwaukee, wi. we stayed at the red roof inn there, and we thought it was pretty nice. we ventured downtown around 11pm just to take a few pictures and see what we could see in the dark!

day 2: we left milwaukee around 9:30am and drove to monroeville, pa. it was a pretty long day of driving...i tried to take my picture in chicago!

day 3: we drove to harrisburg, pa for thanksgiving with the depro family and then back to monroeville for the night.

day 4: we hung out in monroeville during the day, drove around the area and saw some things like my old house, my high school, the zombie museum at the mall, and then went into downtown pittsburgh to see the warhol museum in the evening.

day 5: we drove around, did some shopping, went downtown to help setup for the reunion at 2:00pm and then walked around in the city and had dinner at station square before heading to the reunion in the evening. around 11:30pm we left the reunion and drove to cleveland...arrived around 2am. we had the most amazing hotel room, thanks to a friend whose dad manages a hotel there and comp-ed a room for us!

day 6: slept in and then took in cleveland...we went to the rock and roll hall of fame and then walked around the city a bit in the cold, misty rain...then we drove to elkhart, indiana where we checked out the walmart and the steak and shake.

day 7: we drove home from elkhart. we had planned to hit chicago in the morning and see a museum or aquarium, but the weather was forboding, so we decided it was wiser just to drive on home. we got in just before 6pm and pretty much crashed in front of the movie screen for a few hours.

today we both had a recovery day off from work, so we did some errands and such, and we're back to our regularly scheduled lives again tomorrow! i'm kind of glad to go back to work on a wednesday...even though it will be busy, it will be really nice to see the kiddos.

seperate posts coming soon about thanksgiving and the reunion!

xoxo

ordination updates...

2008-12-02T09:56:00.002-06:00

i had my big interview/meeting with the district committee on ordained ministry last tuesday, and i think it went pretty well. i was quite anxious beforehand, unsure of what to expect and worried i wouldn't be able to answer their questions.

such was not the case at all - as soon as i got into the room, it was immediately comfortable - i was in a room of pastors and lay people who care enough to spend their time doing this kind of thing, and they were excited that i was there.

they asked good questions that helped them get to know me but also helped me to better articulate why i want to do this at this point in my life. and that was cool.

i think it was positive, and assuming i'm right about that, the next step will be a vote from my congregation on december 15th!

thanks for cheering me on!

xoxo

PLEASE HELP!

2008-12-02T09:46:00.002-06:00

Hey all -

I'm writing because I need your help! Each year I get to work with a group of teenagers from Minnesota on a pretty spectacular community organizing project called the Box City Vigil for Youth Homelessness.

At the event, teens from around the Twin Cities stay out all night at our state capitol to raise awareness among other teens and the wider community about the issues that teens are facing when they find themselves without a home.

The event has had some pretty awesome impact here in our state, as it focuses on advocacy rather than fundraising and teaches teens how to get involved when they see a problem that concerns them, such as teens who are homeless and don't have safe or sustainable options to improve their conditions.

Now YOU can HELP! BCV is a finalist for a $10,000 grant from Best Buy, which could propel this cause to a national stage AND enable these kids to help other kids in bigger and more profound ways! But the grants will be decided based on votes.

I'd be really THANKFUL if you'd take the time to visit

http://genv.net/bestbuy

and vote for the BOX CITY VIGIL team! You can vote up to once a day online - it's easy and free!

Thanks for your help!

Love, Rachael

cat's crunchy car...

2008-11-24T21:27:00.003-06:00

...i guess you want to see this...but i'm telling you, it's not pretty. it might make you tear up.

cat is doing well...she's going to use my car while jon and i are on vacation, and she should hear from the claims adjuster sometime this week.

thanks auntie m for the kind thoughts for cat and for me...

tonight jon finished a dvd for my work. i'm doing laundry. we're watching the minnesota wild try to lose a game they were leading by a mile. jon and i are both NOT packing right now for vacation...but we need to be...but we're tired.

xoxo

sunday is a good, good day!

2008-11-23T10:08:00.005-06:00

yeah, i'm a ladies' girl...

the kids never made it across the "toxic pit of chuck norris-es" but they tried...

right now i am sitting in a lodge at a campground in front of a fireplace while my teenagers are laying on the floor in a circle playing a murderous game of "mafia" and being as quiet as they've been all weekend!

it's been a great retreat...we did some activities, played outside in the cold, they had a rousing game of dark-sardines last night! movies, etc. life has been pretty fantastic, but i am old and thus, i am pretty exhausted.

today: get the kids back to town and into their parents' vehicles, have a box city meeting, and then a birthday party for my bosses! the kids made a pretty funny birthday video for the guys so that is cool.

mostly, though, i am PUMPED for vacation! i'll post some itinerary later!

also, prayers for my friend TAMMY...

xoxo.

a little bit more...

2008-11-21T11:45:00.002-06:00

apparently i have a lot to say today.

the body shop determined that the best option is to crush cat's car...so she is bummed about that and also needs to figure out what to do about having one to get around in. that sucks. i am taking her this afternoon to get her stuff out of it, so i will try to get a picture!

meanwhile, i am trying to organize myself enough to pack for a weekend retreat, supplies for some events on sunday afternoon at work, and things i'll need for vacation...i'm a bit schitzo today.

perhaps it is time to break for a shower.

also, just for the record, it is COLD in minnesota.

xoxo!

working for the weekend...

2008-11-21T08:14:00.002-06:00

i feel kind of bad that i haven't been blogging lately - and i also wonder if that has contributed, along with not getting any use out of the elliptical machine, to my anxiety being so heightened.

a little insight as to how it feels to have a bona fide anxiety disorder:

i couldn't fall asleep last night...because i was panicking about my sister's wrecked car. i was making transportation schedules for her in my head, imagining how bad the report from the auto body or insurance companies might be, feeling like it was all crushing in on my chest and it made me feel sick and get heartburn and tight in the chest. it was awful. finally, with the help of some advil pm, i slept. i had a dream about being kidnapped...though i'm not much of a kid these days...and when i woke up i was still freaking out a little. i skipped coffee because i don't need more jitters...and i am working on breathing deep and remembering the obvious...namely, that my sister is an ADULT who is capable of dealing with a crummy situation, and whatever the worst case scenario is in handling a car accident and a little damage, she can deal with it. that is rational...but when i get anxious, it takes a lot of work to hang on to that rationality. but it is getting better, and with a nap should be okay.

welcome to my creepy head.

meanwhile, i'll be working this weekend, running a retreat...which is a good kind of work because it involves hanging out at a campground with 14 people i really enjoy...snacks and movies and good conversation and a fireplace. good stuff.

and it's 4.5 days until VACATION!

got weekend plans?

xoxo

thursday...thank goodness for the STEELERS...

2008-11-20T22:09:00.004-06:00

cat and i had a rough night.

she wrecked her car. she's fine...the other people are fine...her car is, well, crunched. let's hope it can be fixed and that the insurance stuff will go okay and all of that stuff.

then i thought i lost my wallet during my urgent rushing out of a store to get to her.

because i couldn't find it at home...

...or in my car...or at the accident site...and calling the stores i had been to was no help...

then as we were driving a mad dash to the target where i was sure i left my wallet, i remembered that i had tucked it away in the center console of my car when i got to the accident scene.

oops.

time for us to go to bed. cat will have a long day tomorrow getting things squared away...no fun at all. think good thoughts for her!

xoxo.

monday...sucks...

2008-11-17T15:24:00.002-06:00

i do not want to be here today. i'd like to be somewhere else, maybe some-ONE else for the day.

work is wearing...the more you give, the more people ask for, and if i don't learn to say NO NO NO NO NO, i will quickly become a drag to be around...or maybe i already have.

also, i am having a hard time with something kind of personal...i am having trouble controlling this feeling that keeps bugging me...and it's not a nice feeling and it makes me a pretty yucky person...but i can't get rid of it and it is frustrating me.

also, i did not want to wake up this morning and i'm still pretty miffed about that. and i stubbed my toe on the bathtub. and, well, it was just generally a rough start to a week.

so now i am just going to close my office door and cry for a minute or two and then try and get over it and get some more work done.

a week from tomorrow we leave for a vacation. i really need it.

xoxo.

i am a psychopath.

2008-11-13T10:51:00.002-06:00

i just thought you should know.

life is moving...got through a very busy weekend that turned out pretty amazing - it was super cool having my mentor who has known me for half my life here to see what i do and to help us out with a really awesome program. and i got to see my family to celebrate my mom's birthday. and life doesn't get much sweeter.

monday evening jon and i had pizza with some people from church and then went to the nursing home rehab unit to visit some church ladies. he's good, folks...they adore him.

tuesday we both took the day off. jon got the ceiling drywall hung in the addition...i felt pretty sick and rundown and slept most of the day. then we worked on a dvd for the church. yeah...seems that the church has a way of infiltrating daily life - i need to protect us from this, i think. work wednesday was really good - like really good. some days just come together and everything works. i got a lot done and things went well and it felt awesome.

i had to cancel my weekend work event for lack of signups, which is kind of a blessing because i am getting worn out and really didn't need to be doing 3 weekend events in a row. however, jon has a convention this weekend. now, even though it was fine when we BOTH had plans for the weekend, i am suddenly completely bummed that he'll be busy because i will NOT be busy. and i am selfish like that. i do have a few things...feeding the homeless saturday morning and work sunday afternoon and the steelers game...and i have plenty of laundry and cleaning and general upkeep to do at my apartment and at jon's house. but i am still doing my best to be pouty and feel sorry for myself...because let's face it, i'm a girl. it's what i do.

what are you planning for the weekend? do tell.

xoxolove!

just checking in...

2008-11-09T11:58:00.003-06:00

hope your weekend has been amazing so far! mine has been busy but pretty fantastic. i have a few pretty important things to accomplish in the next 24 hours, and then i will be ready for a day off!

but...life is good.

xoxo.

wednesday mumblings...

2008-11-05T09:37:00.003-06:00

i don't know what to say to you if you want to tell me that the world has gone to hell. i disagree. i choose excitement and optimism.

i am sad for you if your only response to what has occurred in this nation in the last 24 hours is anger or venom or hopelessness. but you choose your own misery. you choose to be spiteful. i can not take that away from you, and i will not try. you are entitled to your bitterness...i only feel sad for you that your future memory of a time of excitement and change will be clouded forever by your negativity rather than highlighted by your willingness to move forward and offer our very best in all circumstances.

i am humbled and hopeful at the genuinely gracious concession and sincere offer of help and support that was delivered last night, and i hope that we can all follow in that example and seek to move forward with hope and a spirit of collaboration.

i appreciate this piece from scalzi.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

meanwhile...tomorrow MY mentor arrives in town to help us put on a weekend event at work, and i am excited to see him and looking forward to a good event...and at the same time am swamped today with getting things gathered and set up and ready to go!

also, just for the record, jon warner is a good man.

(and stephane veilleux is awesome!)

xoxo

just want to say...

2008-11-04T22:24:00.002-06:00

...that i respect john mccain very much for this concession speech.

***and on the morning following an incredible night, i am thankful that john mccain is more gracious and more wise than so many of his "supporters".***

election day updates...

2008-11-04T10:39:00.004-06:00

since my workplace is a polling place, i am witnessing first-hand all day long exactly how historically well attended this election seems to be. so i thought i would share:

8:15am
the line to get to the booths is over 200 people long. our parking lot (i guess the new, expanded lot will serve a purpose at least for this one day!) is pretty packed. people are lined all the way along our hall and to the outside!

10:30am
well, i must admit that when i got here a little after 8, i expected to see the long lines of the before-work-rush, but what i did NOT really expect was how little the rush would die down! i just walked down the hall to see how it's going, and while i am very impressed with how orderly, calm, and organized things seem to be, it is still packed. people are waiting in line as much as an hour, and the line goes all the way down the hall and out the door, even now when i expected a lull.

12:00pm
dead. quiet. a handful of voters in and out. weird - i thought lunch hour would be busy. apparently so did everyone else who came at 10:30!

3:00pm
i got out of work to avoid what will inevitably be a crazy end-of-the-work-day rush of cars through the lot and people through the building! it was starting to pick up again already, and the count at the judges table was over 1300 already - that's more than they've ever had with 5 hours of polling still to go!

Yay for voting...did YOU go vote?

we VOTED!

2008-11-04T08:55:00.004-06:00

we arrived at our polling place at exactly 7am and we waited in line, registered, and voted and left the building at 8am. not too shabby. it was, i must admit, pretty exciting seeing so many people waiting to vote. i'm admittedly not someone who gets too jazzed about politics, and in my line of work i present myself as someone willing to listen and affirm people, so i don't argue about it much. but, i must say that as i put my ballot into the machine, i was grinning, and when i got into the lobby and we walked to the parking lot, cat asked me what was so funny.

i couldn't stop smiling because as i put that ballot into the machine i really felt, for the first time in my 10 years of voting, good about the choices i made and excited to be able to have a voice, albeit a small one, in the process.

i thought as we left, that someday i will have grandchildren who will be growing up in a world where diversity is the norm, and they won't understand how something as ridiculous as racism ever existed, and i might be able to tell them (i do sincerely hope) that their grandmother voted for the first ever black president. that's not why i voted for obama, not even a little bit...but it's a cool thing nonetheless.

that said, i also just want to add that i do believe that regardless of the crap we've had to watch over recent months and the slinging of accusations and the efforts to attack...that these candidates are deep down good people who want to serve their country and who want this to be a better place because of their contributions. it may get blurry sometimes because WE ALL are corrupted by desires and ego and selfishness, and the system is neither pure nor ideal. i may not agree (AT ALL) with some of the things other people think need to happen to make this a better place for everyone. and they won't agree with me. but at the end of the day, i will sleep well knowing that i voted for someone in whose humanity i trust and whose values i respect and appreciate. i wish the same for each of you. and that has nothing to do with beating anyone else, competing, or degrading anyone else's beliefs. that's not who i am, and that's not what i choose to do with my time or my energy. and somehow, i hope that matters.

have a great day...i do hope you'll take the time to go out and vote.

xoxo.

it's absurd, really...

2008-11-03T13:45:00.002-06:00

found our five day forecast to be somewhat amusing...in a sucky kind of way. today is absolutely BEAUTIFUL. tomorrow the apocalypse arrives (how fitting). on thursday the sun will cry. and by friday we will ALL cry and try to drive home from work in a festival of stupidity that ALWAYS happens to upper-midwestern drivers during the rush hours of the first snows of the winter season:

thankful...

2008-11-03T11:39:00.002-06:00

-----> another set of our 2008 halloween costumes. cat as the dirty laundry and raw as a steeler----->

meanwhile, today i am grumpy. i haven't felt so great for a couple of days but i am hoping for an upswing. the weather today (and for the past few days) is GORGEOUS. tonight the STEELERS play and in the morning cat and i are going to vote right at 7am and put all this election business behind us.

today i am thankful for:

jon warner. seriously thankful.
my family,
especially my new niece lauren and my nephew mason
actually pretty fall days to enjoy before the freeze
choices
getting to vote
sunshine
coffee
banjo music
new slipper-shoes
cool projects to work on
a computer that works
text messaging
card games
friends
jean
the steelers
the wild
puffy vests
sweatpants
halloween candy (especially kit kats)
babies

...and, absoulutely without a doubt, today more than ever...LOVE...

xoxo.

i am thankful...

2008-10-30T18:45:00.002-05:00

...that tomorrow is friday. fridays, after my 6am bible study group, are my day off and i LOVE them. to call them a day OFF is a bit misleading, since really i will still be doing plenty of work tomorrow - making a newsletter page, prepping a mailing for 200 families, updating websites, etc. but i don't have to do these things from the office, and THAT is amazing.

today jon and his dad started siding the house...exciting! annnnd...i was thinking today that i've once again gotten caught up in things and neglected some important projects - getting into shape and finishing my manuscript. and now i've got about 8 weeks left on my personally-imposed manuscript deadline and a lot of flab to work on. sooooo, let november be a new month...instead of writing a quick nanowrimo novel, i'll be focusing on poetry...and the elliptical machine.

meanwhile, i managed to get the zombie off my face, and now i'm trying to decide whether to costumize for tomorrow morning.

and i have cramps.

and i accidentally turned the tv to lifetime and may very well end up sucked into lifetime movies for the rest of the evening.

aaaaahhhhhhh!

xoxo

...and cat was JONAH...fresh outta the whale!

2008-10-30T08:35:00.000-05:00

i rock at bible character costume contests...

2008-10-29T21:19:00.002-05:00

see 2 samuel 18.

maybe i don't WANT you to see my eyes...

2008-10-28T20:59:00.002-05:00

tuesday. today my work day was strange. i came in and visited with some volunteers over coffee, made some postcards, had lunch, went on a field trip, then had a coffee meeting.

i am having some anxiety issues tonight, and i'm not really sure why, since i don't have anything to be anxious about. i mean, that is the nature of an anxiety disorder...but really, i've got nothing. perhaps i just need a hot shower and a good night's sleep.

tomorrow at work we're having our bible characters costume contest...pictures will be posted, along with pictures from my field trip today with penny! tune in...they will be good.

now, just for something to do,

things i am sick of: the economy, the election, needing a coat in the morning but not in the afternoon and therefore forgetting my coat at work and having to take another coat the next morning.

things i am NOT sick of: cake, jon, and my sister.

the end.

xoxxoxxxxooo.

he loves me cause i'm emo...

2008-10-27T13:29:00.002-05:00

it is getting cold here. seriously. too effing cold. and i don't really like it. it's not even halloween yet, and we're getting close to snowsuit temperatures.

good news: they are re-paving a part of our parking lot at 3:15pm, so i am using that as an excuse to leave work around 3pm and go shopping for a couple of hours before my dinner group at 5. sweet deal.

i have some projects tonight...bead projects and some other SECRET things i might tell you about tomorrow!

and i will get our halloween pics up as soon as i steal them from jon's camera. you ARE going to want to see his costume.

otherwise, it's an uneventful monday afternoon...i'm doing a flyer for an impromptu wednesday night party penny and i just decided to throw...with biblical costume contest.

so, on that note, give me your MOST CREATIVE biblical costume idea...i'll start:

absalom with tree branches in the hair and darts stuck through the chest, some blood and guts of course (2 Samuel 18)

sunday night and back to the grind...

2008-10-26T20:54:00.003-05:00

well, the truth is that my weekend HAS been quite wonderful. painting the bathroom didn't happen so much, but i did get to sleep in a little on saturday morning, and i think i REALLY needed it. and then i did some errands and then we got ready and went to the party at the farm. it was pretty fun - jon's family and another family - i drove the ATV in the woods (not so confidently, but nobody fell off) and jon did spooky rides in the dark, and there was a fire and food. good stuff...the kind of stuff that makes you feel good about your place in the world.

also, penn state's VICTORY over ohio state marks one more major hurdle jumped, and that makes me pretty excited. i'm choosing to ignore the other football debacle of the weekend and to focus on joepa and the nittany lions and the amazing year they are having. plus, the hat looks good on jon.

the services both went really well this morning. good feedback, including from a visitor who is on a national board of the umc who was in town for a meeting and who is from north carolina and does some adjunct work at duke divinity school, from whence i graduated...so it was cool when he came out after the service and seemed pleased. and my parents came and they were proud of me, and that makes me feel pretty much amazing.

aaaaaaaaaaaaand we had this hilariously great lunch with a family from the church and it was very cool. they were so funny to eat with because they had the strategy of ordering anything on the menu that seemed remotely interesting and then eat what they could and take the rest home. soooo...they ended up taking home LITERALLY five or six take-home boxes full of leftovers! they were a hoot.

it's a good life, charlie brown. enjoy the evening!

xoxo.

now for the ubiquitous weekend post...

2008-10-24T15:39:00.004-05:00

i am really looking forward to this weekend. here's why:

tonight jon and i are going out to a bar (which we NEVER do) to see my friend PETER (whom i haven't seen in many months) to celebrate his birthday. we will probably stay there long enough to eat something since it's a bar that is known for pretty amazing food.

then we will go to lowe's to get PAINT so that i can paint the bathroom this weekend. this is exciting! jon is making progress on the outside projects and i am going to start on doing some painting and decorating on the inside.

then we are coming home to watch movies, one of which is the INDIANA JONES flick we STILL have not seen...i am pretty pumped about this part!

in the daytime tomorrow we will work, work, work on the house, and then in the afternoon we get costumed up and head to jon's family farm for a giant halloween party with all his family, who are pretty fun people, and a bonfire and 4 wheeler rides. good stuff. i'll take some pictures of my very pacifist halloween costume tomorrow.

sunday i get to preach at both services AND the kids are doing a little skit/song that will be very cool. also, another friend of mine who hasn't been a church guy since i've known him is looking with his wife for a place to have their son baptized and they are coming to church. i like it when people want to come to church to check it out and it's all good - no pressure, no selling points, just a chance to show someone what i do and find out if it is something that can help them out. it's cool.

steelers play an afternoon game, then i will have to decide whether or not i am going back to work to help with pizza/pumpkin painting/harvest singing festival. we shall see!

what's your weekend looking like?

xoxo.

...and something to entertain dan-o...

2008-10-24T15:32:00.004-05:00

jon dumped my old laptop hard drive for me, and this was on there...something from another life just to get this weekend started on a high note!

xoxo.

a little friday theo-something

2008-10-24T15:23:00.004-05:00

this photograph is by my amazing friend, jeremy dop. it's part of a slide show for church.

i just finished writing a ten minute sermon for sunday morning. soooo, oh my best critics, here it is:

A Meditation on Healing

Rachael Anne Weller

2 Samuel 21: 1-14
Luke 24: 13-35

have you ever witnessed
a third-world funeral?
in a village
in a hut of mud
and sticks
and stones,
when a small child begins to vomit in the dark,
to sweat and shiver,
to burn and cry…
and the river is miles away,
and the water is clouded
from sand and rain,
no ambulance arrives at the door,
sirens blaring,
to carry this child to safety,
to help, at a hospital that has no beds
to spare.

this child dies
in her mothers arms
as the sun rises from behind the mountains;
this young mother wails,
she weeps from emptiness,
she sits in dust,
lost in the ocean
of her own small space,
while the women gather to prepare the tiny body
in oil and rags,
and the men gather
to return the child to the ground.

everywhere and always
mothers and fathers have lost
children,
and been broken, empty…
and there is no competition in emptiness,
whether it enters the heart of a mother kneeling in dust
or a father, face buried in his hands,
riding in the back seat of a luxury car.

parents lose children,
and children lose parents,
and we lose our sisters and brothers,
our mentors and friends -
not only in places where hospitals and rivers
are dirty and distant –
but also in places where monitors and medicines
are sometimes
still
not
enough.

we lose people,
but that is not the only kind of loss.
we have lost jobs and confidence;
we have lost trust, relationships, and security;
we have lost our way in times of trial and confusion.

and when we cannot imagine what it means
to go for days without a meal,
each of us understands how it feels
to be empty,
numb,
broken and lost.

rizpah.
mother of sons, hard working woman, concubine of saul, determined and strong and proud. who would understand, accept or move on from the loss of two children killed for the sake of politics? murdered to appease an enemy in battle? sacrificed on stakes in payment for the violence of their father?

david, wise david, seeking to save his people from violence and famine – trying to do the right thing – to lose a few that many might be saved, gave rizpah’s sons over to die.

and rizpah, wise rizpah. what might her options have been?
to disappear, overcome with grief and loss – to die herself, either in spirit or in body, and leave the world to its destructive devices?
to rage against the system – to yell and argue, to demand that the violence committed against her be returned once more, that the cycle not end here – not with her beautiful babies pierced and mounted?
or to grieve openly for her loss without seeking vengeance – to allow herself to become vulnerable to the same reality that caused her grief – and to wait, patiently, as long as it might take, for someone to know what to do?

Rizpah daughter of Aiah took sackcloth and spread it out on a rock. From the beginning of the harvest till the rain poured down from the heavens on the bodies, she did not let the birds touch them by day or the wild animals by night. (2 Samuel 21:10)

five months.
rizpah, brave rizpah kept vigil,
she protected the abandoned bodies of her children,
and she waited…
for five months.
for someone to come, to know what to do, to help her find healing from her brokenness, to help her find healing in the midst of her loss.

and finally, after five months came david, wise david, moved by her love and her sadness. and david knew what to do. he took the bones of rizpah’s children, along with the bones of saul and jonathan, and he buried them. moved by the grief and loss of a woman who chose vigilance over violence, david knew what to do to make peace for rizpah, for god, and for the people he led. and in return, god answered the prayers of the people and ended the famine in the land. through rizpah’s brokenness and loss, the land was healed.

everyone loves a winner,
but what about us?
the losers?
the ones who have been called
to serve a god who died?
what about our broken hearts, our lonely nights?
how can we survive when we feel so empty?

brokenness can blind us, hide the truth of who we are called to be, trick us into forgetting whose children we are – or brokenness can be a tool for healing. but we are not made to heal alone. in the image of a god who is inherently communal – one god manifested in three persons – so are we inherently communal, one body manifested in so many hearts and minds and bodies and souls. we must be vigilant, like rizpah, seeking help from one another, and we must be compassionate, like david, willing to admit our own faults and mistakes and to be moved into action by the sadness of another.

two men walked seven miles on a dusty road to emmaus. they walked together, sharing their grief at the loss of their teacher and friend – not only the loss of his life, but of what he represented to them, of the hope they had experienced in his presence. can you, who have experienced loss and grief, imagine their conversation that afternoon? did they share stories about the times when they had seen jesus? did they laugh at the good memories of traveling with him? did they weep, overwhelmed by how they missed their friend? perhaps they discussed what would happen to them and others who had invested all their hope and faith in this one man, only for him to be crucified like a common criminal.

was it their brokenness that blinded them from seeing who the man was that joined them along their way? but even though they were grieving, and even though they did not recognize the stranger who traveled with them, and even after the stranger called them foolish for losing faith, the two men still invited the man to stay with them. in the depths of their loss, they remembered hospitality, and because they did, the hospitality of jesus christ was returned to them.

as the three men sat, jesus began their meal by taking the bread, giving thanks for it, and breaking it. as he did this, they immediately recognized who he was, and they were reunited joyfully with their friend, their teacher, their faith, and their hope for the future.

most of us in our moments of loss do not get to see our loved ones resurrected physically before our eyes, and sometimes we get so caught up in our grief that we miss out on the ways that the people we’ve lost are still with us – in the ways that they have changed us, become a part of who we are and how we live. our faith will remain strong as long as we allow our grief to be accompanied by hope, and our hope is sustained by our love for each other.

jesus broke bread with his friends in emmaus that day to remind them, not of what they had lost, but of what they still had. he called them back to the roots of their community – to the meal that signified their commitment to him and to one another, and they were able to see a future, even though things had changed.

you are the body of christ. you are connected by the same depth of compassion that connected david to rizpah and by the same communion that connected jesus with his disciples. you are joined with each other in this room, and you are joined with the woman in the third world country who lost her child in the middle of the night.

these are the intimate relationships, formed in community, that sustain us during times when we have lost something dear and during times when we feel as if our very spirits have been broken. healing comes when someone knows what to do – and what to do could be an action that brings peace, or it could be a simple reminder that we are still loved. god has called each one of us into communities that are based on the love that has been shown to us and strengthened by our willingness to extend that love to one another. as christians, we have the benefit of knowing that our suffering, even our deepest secrets and our most devastating pain, are not ours to bear alone.

you are the body of christ, you are right this very moment surrounded by a community who loves you, whether you’ve been here forty years or forty minutes. your pain is our pain, your tears are a part of our river, and our sincerest joy and hope is in your healing and peace.

let us pray.

lord god, thank you for the example of rizpah. help us to find safe places where we can be vulnerable in times of grief and loss. thank you for the compassion of david that reminds us that no decision is unredeemable. help us to take the time to seek healing, even and especially when we know that we have caused others pain. thank you for the gift of healing through the death and resurrection of your son jesus christ. help us to love each other genuinely and unconditionally that we might help each other find healing even when situations feel empty or helpless. bless us today and every day that we might be a blessing to others. in your name we pray, amen.

fall is for rainy days...

2008-10-22T14:32:00.002-05:00

so far, so good. it's wednesday, which means i will work late. but it's good work - the fun kind with 12 year olds and board games and spaghetti. i love my life.

it also means that when i get done with my long day - around 8pm or so - i get to drive to saint paul and watch dexter with my boyfriend...because that's the kind of relationship we have - the kind where we watch serial killer shows together and eat cereal on a rainy night. like i said, my life = love.

i think i've been drinking too much coffee lately, as i've been more edgy and anxious than usual, but i do think i have honestly been dealing with things better. i have been trying to allow myself to feel my frustrations/upsets/anger for the moment when they occur and then to let them go and not allow them to define my mood for hours or days. it's just not worth it. it does mean, though, that in those moments i can be a bit tense and overreactive...like when i came rushing into jon's house on monday night late for the plans we had made, and as i walked in i bumped against part of the construction-doorway and got white chalky dust all over my sleeve...and i came huffing into the house and jon said, "what's wrong," and i replied sweetly, "your stupid effing house!"

i'm a ray of sunshine, folks. really!

the cool thing about my job/life is that for every frustrating moment there are so many happy ones. ten seconds after the bully says something nasty to me, a dozen other people hug me and tell me how happy they are that i'm here. i'll take those odds any day.

it's a strange week here because one of our mvp's on our staff, and one of my dearest friends had her last day of work here on friday...she is moving on to pastor a church and she will be amazing and they will all be blessed, but i miss her. a lot. and there's a lot of stuff we are finding out that we don't really know how to do. heh heh heh...humility is learned.

i guess that's enough rambling. off to my adventures.

have a great afternoon on me.

xoxo.

oh geez...

2008-10-21T15:42:00.005-05:00

i want to write something. i want to tell you all the thoughts that run through my mind - what i'm thinking about politics and faith...

but every time i try to write it seems so...dry...

let me just say this:

i am tired of people choosing to tear one another down instead of building one another up. i am worn out from hearing people whom i love say horrible things, make awful generalizations, and choose to interpret narrowly and hatefully the information placed before them...and even more so, i am sad and tired from trying not to allow these expressions to affect my ability to love and care for these people. i do not want to be a take-sides girl. i want conversations to be meaningful and thoughtful and to serve a purpose of enlightening me to new ideas. i do not understand the desire to denigrate, to presume, or to destroy. i am not interested in being treated as if i were stupid or naive. i assure you that i am neither of these things. i have chosen to hold others up with respect, to hear what they have had to say and to offer, and to determine what path i will take quietly and without casting judgment on others. i am frustrated at not receiving the same measure of respect in return. i am concerned and afraid, not about how leaders will lead - as i suspect that leaders will continue to do the best they know how, and some will succeed and some will not - but about how people will treat one another. i fear that fear - irrational, misplaced fear - has become the medium through which people are making choices.

i also need to say, clearly and apologetically, that i am a christian. i believe in a god who creates and loves and hopes to see growth and joy and peace. i believe that jesus christ is about reconciliation, hope, and compassion and not at all about division, judgment, or violence. i believe in a spirit that moves through and among us; i believe that the spirit is moving now; and i believe that it is a spirit of grace and truth, of action and sacrifice. and i believe that anyone who claims to be moved by this spirit but is unloving, divisive, or unwilling to sacrifice is lying to themselves and others.

in preparation for my sermon on sunday, i am spending a lot of time with a woman named rizpah. you can find her story here. rizpah's children were killed because of battles among nations that had nothing to do with her or them, only with what they represented as sons of saul. but when they were killed, she changed the heart of david, who had killed them - not by avenging them violently and not by seeking to see david killed. rather, she sat with the bodies...she grieved her loss and she held vigil for six months - SIX MONTHS - until finally david's heart was moved and he came to give them a proper burial.

that's the kind of person i want to be.

xoxo.

gotta love a good caption game...

2008-10-16T18:09:00.002-05:00

this caption game, from DAN, is right in line with a caption game we played here a few months ago! go to dan's entry to get the original picture if you want to play along!

gratuitous baby picture...

2008-10-16T13:45:00.001-05:00

this is my niece lauren. she's amazing, and i haven't even met her yet! xoxo.

it's just love i'm in...

2008-10-16T12:12:00.008-05:00

mmmmm.mmmmm.mmmmmonday

2008-10-13T14:22:00.002-05:00

grab a trash can...this one's gonna be a real puke-fest of sappy!

hey there. happy monday afternoon. here in minneapolis it is a rainy, dreary day, but i feel pretty amazing about life and love and the world. my weekend was busy with work mostly, and saturday night we watched the wild win their first game of the season. i feel like my life is settling in somehow...into a new routine that involves a new set of primary characters and ritual activities. and i like it.

on saturday i spent the day with some of my kiddos at a campground where they had a retreat. i really do love my job and love just hanging out and getting to know these kids and who they are and who they are becoming. and yes...that's a snake i'm holding in the last picture...a snake the size of an earthworm!

and the cool thing is that the joy i have with what i do, who i am, where i get to be, and especially the people around me really is a gift and a grace that i know needs to be appreciated and respected. and i do.

that's me on the far right...sunday morning...holding baby anna. work is overwhelming right now and will continue to be extremely so for several weeks, both due to the normal business of fall in church life AND due to some extra circumstances here. and i am figuring out how to manage being here in the office when my dearest friend among my coworkers, and a true sister in my faith, is moving along to a new call and new work. i am so happy for the ministry she will bring to the new place and also totally devastated that she will not be here for ME every day in the office...and also realizing the very practical reality that there is some work (like websites, etc) that i will have to do in her absence until a new employee is hired.

but holding babies makes things feel better. no matter how stressful or overwhelming life is...no matter who tries to make me feel inadequate...no matter what i screw up...life is beautiful and babies are the purest representation of life.

and my mom comes home from africa tomorrow and i love her and she is beautiful...and my boyfriend is sick with a cold and sore throat and muscles that hate him for working them so hard on the house and i love him and he is beautiful...and my sister and my friends have been so good to me in the past week and i love them and they are beautiful. and my brother and sarah and mason and lauren are becoming a brand new family and i love them and they are beautiful.

so it's all about the x's and o's today.

things i have learned this week:

2008-10-10T12:29:00.002-05:00

1. i have lost 15 lbs or so since i got back into the routine of watching what i eat and exercising. that was at the end of august. it feels pretty amazing.

2. i am getting older and now need dramamine to watch movies filmed entirely with the hand held camera.

3. amazing and joyful moments and events should be celebrated and do not need to be owned.

4. i wish i could understand why the bully feels such a need to pick at me, but i realize that i cannot understand, have done nothing wrong to provoke, and most importantly, am not defined by the opinions or actions of someone else. i can choose to be thankful for my amazing life, to live in joyful response to blessings, to take challenges in stride and accept help from the people who love me and genuinely want to help me, and to ignore the shallow assaults from angry, bitter, self-righteous people who only wish that they could destroy everyone's day to match their own foul moods.

5. my brother and his wife make beautiful babies. they have set the bar very, very high.

what a sweet, sweet week it's been!

xoxo.

say hello to my little friend!

2008-10-09T13:23:00.000-05:00

meet my NEW niece, lauren! she was born last night at 11:33pm at 6lbs, 15oz and 20 inches. my brother says that baby and mommy are healthy and well, and that lauren is already eating like one of the family! i just wanted to share this amazing and beautiful joy with everyone!

i will post later or tomorrow about other things...bullies and stress and such...but for today, only smiles...how could there be anything else?

xoxo.

sunday again?

2008-10-05T19:21:00.004-05:00

the days seem to be going by faster and faster and it is getting more and more difficult to keep up with the things i am supposed to be doing.

work is fine. not amazing, but fine. there are things with which i am frustrated...i have a bully at work who makes me feel awful most of the time. and i have a frustration at work with someone who seems to find a way to make a mess out of things no matter how clearly i lay them out. but despite those things, the programming is going great, the kids are amazing, and the lessons have been really good so far this year...i'm studying the book of james with one group and the book of ruth with another and the psalms with a prayer and communion group of adults. these studies have been good for me - helping me to maintain focus when i feel down...helping me to be kind and generous even to the bullies in my life...but it is hard and it wears me down. i don't have a very thick skin.

the world - to be honest, i don't understand it and so i am just trying my best to keep my own head above water and not worry about the things i can neither grasp nor control. that's about all i can say about that.

love - i'm in it. deep. i love my family so much and things have been easier and more amazing with them than ever. we may have our faults, each of us...but the honest truth is that i always know that anyone in my family would fight for me, would protect me, and would be there for me. it's pretty cool to know that my parents are proud of me, to hang out with my sister and to have her to talk to about things, and to be anxiously awaiting our newest pennsylvania niece any day now! i am also excited for my mom to get back from africa...it's really cool to have that as a shared experience with her now and i want to hear everything about her trip! i also love my friends. there are so many exciting things i get to celebrate with them and it feels good to smile for someone else's joy. really good. and i am in love with jon warner and he is good and honest and kind (and smelly). he works hard and he loves me...and most days i have no idea how or why i found myself so crazy-amazing-blessed to be with him, but there is no way i will take it for granted.

fall is upon us in minnesota, and that means that the snow will fly soon...so snuggle in...

i'm gonna try and finish a stinking poetry collection already.

here's to you! have a great week.

xoxo.

fidelity...

2008-09-30T20:50:00.003-05:00

where did it go?

or did it ever exist in the first place?

how can people betray each other like they do?

i am so thankful to have a family and friends and a boyfriend who are good and faithful and true. and i am sad for people who find themselves betrayed.

love.

today...

2008-09-30T14:47:00.002-05:00

is one of those days that is good and yet not good...

sent my mom off to africa again, and i am very excited for her and jealous of her. my dad and i had lunch and it was good to hang out and talk for a bit.

i feel kinda bloaty and i just ate 3 fun-sized snickers bars, and i kinda feel like hurling.

and i have an awful lot of work to accomplish between now and tomorrow morning when i have a 6am meeting to attend. sooooo...i should get on it.

but i mostly just want to go home.

the question is...if i go home, will i actually DO my work, or will i get distracted doing other things?

i guess if i'm not getting anything done at work anyway, it couldn't hurt, right?

real-life preschool quote of the day...

2008-09-24T15:28:00.003-05:00

because this one is definitely worth sharing...brought to you by cat-dog:

child: i'm pretending it's a gun!

cat-dog: we don't use guns, pretend it's something else.

child: i'm pretending it's a house...that shoots bullets.

unedited...

2008-09-24T15:21:00.002-05:00

i'm back to my good form. being sick and overwhelmed and stressed about career and future and other things had me in a pretty yucky place earlier this week. i was not very nice to the people i love, and i am really thankful that they tolerate me in those times and help me get it back together.

yesterday i left work early, went home and watched tv, exercised, napped, showered, watched more tv, read a little, and went to bed early. this morning i woke up feeling so much better and ready to face the day.

and i am wearing some pretty awesome plaid pants today, and the kids will be here soon, and they are pretty fun to spend a wednesday afternoon/evening with. i think we'll play outside today since we only have a few of these nice, sunny, relatively warm wednesdays left.

my boyfriend took this extreme close-up of my face. it still freaks me out having a camera pointed at me that i am not holding...

i hope you are making it through the day!

xoxo.

INCREDIBLE!

2008-09-22T12:03:00.003-05:00

yesterday i saw this WINGLESS AIRPLANE flying over DAN'S house held aloft by nothing but magical, flying unicorns!

i wanted to call and tell him about it, but he was busy watching football.

at least his cat was a witness.

and who needs a football week when the steelers have such a rough day?

every monday is another monday...

2008-09-22T11:28:00.003-05:00

^my amy winehouse impression ^

...thanks for the well-wishes, everyone...unfortunately, the weather's moodiness has not made it easy on me this weekend. here we are back to summery days, but in protest (and due to intermittent fevers) i am wearing fall-ish clothes anyway. because it is the first day of fall. and i love fall.

my weekend was full and amazing and surprising and scary. on sunday morning, we celebrated a 40th anniversary at my work and so it was busy busy busy. i arrived at just before 7am to help setup, taught a class, ran some errands, taught another class, went to church...

...the second service was the celebration service...it lasted almost 2 hours! around the time of the offering, my boss says into his microphone, "rachael please come up here." he hands me a bible and asks me to read the scripture for the morning. luckily, it was philippians, with which i am pretty familiar and not something with a lot of hard words. he then proceeded, before i read, to announce to 600+ people that i've decided to pursue a call to ordained ministry. i am not sure where everyone got the tomatoes, and i hadn't anticipated the booing, but it was okay. (hehe...people applauded and were amazing and gracious and happy!) it was a surprise since i had thought i would wait a couple of months to tell people...but now the news is out!

after that, i took the 4th and 5th graders mini-golfing and for ice cream...an adventure for sure!

and, finally, i made it to the new steelers-viewing location for the fourth quarter, in time to be with friends to take the loss in stride and share my new-life-news with an old crowd.

life is full. mine is full of phlegm.

have a great day!

love.

just sick...

2008-09-20T15:35:00.002-05:00

...but happy. my sweet boy is keeping me well stocked with the red-stuff that is more difficult to buy than meth itself (the real sudafed...) and advil, and i get to lay around on the couch and be miserable and whiny while he slaves away on his house project.

i am not sure what my particular damage is today, but some combination of allergies and season-schizophrenia-induced cold. i am achy and sniffly and generally pouty. in other words, i am delightful to be around. really.

my morning, however, although early, was pretty neat. i got to go outside and watch my kiddos take airplane rides in small airplanes with local pilots who take them up for free. how cool is that? we really had a nice morning.

tomorrow is another VERY early work morning and a full 10 hour work day to boot, so i'll be nice and exhausted by the time i get to rest late tomorrow afternoon!

weekend plans, anyone?

love.

today rachael is wearing:

2008-09-17T13:03:00.004-05:00

crankpants.

i am tired...my head feels like a giant allergic bubble of crud...the office is overwhelmed with activity...i have kids coming in a few hours...i have tons of work to get done...i didn't have time to work out this morning...when my day started at 5am...i need a nap or a giant chocolate donut...there are donuts in the conference room...a donut would severely hamper my diet efforts...

whine, whine, whine.

still, life is pretty good and i am thankful for it.

how is your day?

love.

i thought i might have a combined view...

2008-09-16T15:50:00.002-05:00

...but it turns out, that when i took this quiz from abc news, i pretty much fall on one side for this upcoming presidential election. check it out...it's informative just to read the quotes and get familiar with the positions the candidates are taking.

i wanna be a big loser...

2008-09-16T08:33:00.003-05:00

...but so far i'm just moderate.

i've been on my new eating and exercise plan for almost 4 weeks (on saturday...though one of those weeks was kind of a wash)...and i still haven't hit the 10 lb mark. i know it is better for it to take some time...that 2 lbs/week on average is a good goal to work toward. but still, it is frustrating a little bit to not see more progress.

i am an instant gratification kind of girl.

even though at 2 lbs a week, i could drop 30lbs by christmas...that is not likely, but it would be pretty amazing if i managed to pull it off...

...now to the elliptical.

...gotta get on the right track...

2008-09-16T07:04:00.002-05:00

well my meeting yesterday went, i think, pretty well. i got there at 11:15am and she was waiting for me, like i was late...she thought i was late for an 11am meeting, even though i actually had the email in my bag that she sent me to schedule the 11:15...but rather than be a douche, i said it was hard finding a parking spot and we moved on. sometimes it's not necessary to make things someone's fault, you know?

from there she started asking me questions about what i do, what i want to do, why i think the ordination track makes sense now, why i didn't pursue it before...all the stuff i expected to be asked. the thing is, no matter how expected it is, it still feels like someone is taking apart all the details of the very core of who you are and what you are called to do. it's scary a little bit to know exactly what you need to do and then to know that in order to make it happen you have to be able to convince other people of the validity of your own certitude.

but as we went along it got easier...i suppose because i do know what and why and why now, so it became more and more of a conversation. and by the end, she was giving me the paperwork, letting me know the next few steps, and thinking we can be on board to get this all rolling so that i'll be working through my candidacy manual with a mentor by the first of the year. that's pretty cool news.

next steps are that the committees at the church need to sign off and recommend me...so i've got to do some writing today of my statements of intention, of purpose, probably a statement of faith...so that i can get them to the right committee (which meets thursday) and hope that people are excited by the idea of the potential reverend rachael.

whew.

thankful...

2008-09-15T09:44:00.002-05:00

it's been a while since we've had a thankful list, and i must say that i've missed the practice at remembering to give thanks in ALL circumstances. so here it is...

monday 15 september 2008

today i am thankful for:

team mary ellen
jon warner
my sister and dad and mom
my brother and sarah and mason
and LAUREN!
fruit
cereal
football
the elliptical machine
movies to watch while elliptical-ing
cooler weather
opportunities to improve
an amazing job
people who want to learn
teachers
sunshine
little caesar's pizza
chocolate pudding
things that make me laugh
clean clothes
sweatshirts, especially
good music
npr

...and love.

monday morning again...

2008-09-15T09:42:00.000-05:00

hooray for the steelers! though it wasn't the prettiest game ever, it was raining fairly hard and they did manage to seal the win (at least partially, if not primarily due to some horrible play-calling and clock-management on the opposing sideline).

i slept great last night, felt pretty good this morning...starting to get nervous.

at 11:15 this morning, i have a meeting with a higher-up who will help me determine whether or not it's a good plan for me to do my ordination work right now, and if we decide yes, then what steps i will need to take in what order to make it happen. i'm in a bit of a different place than many people seeking ordination because i already have the education piece done and i've got the ministry experience (4 years almost...sheesh!)...i just didn't want to follow it through before.

the main reason, i suspect, for my anxiety is that i LOVE my current job - and i feel called here, useful, like i'm doing really good work that matters in the world in some way, and like i am personally fulfilled by the work i do here...it's a win, win, win, win kind of situation i'm in. theoretically, getting more credentials should only serve to enhance my work here and to benefit all parties involved (my workplace gets a third ordained pastor at no additional cost to them, i get a credential and fulfill a call to ministry, my bosses have someone to lean on a little more as things get stressful, and the people here have another clergy person to go to (a female, nonetheless) when they need someone to talk to or help with a problem.

and all of these reasons are good. but i'm still worried because it's stepping into an outcome i can't completely control...all i can do is offer what i have the very best way i know how, and some people will not believe that it's good enough.

i've never been one for messing with the status quo. change scares me, even good change.

sooo...think good thoughts for me this morning - i will need confidence and calm.

love.

a mid-september sunday...

2008-09-14T13:51:00.002-05:00

let's see...went to work this morning and it was a good day - my classes went well and church was, well, church. had lunch at subway with my sister. drove to jon's house. he is out with his dad working on the building project, and i am here...blogging and trying to watch bravo, which is coming in-n-n ve-r-r-r-y choppy today.

steelers play tonight, so i'm looking forward to an evening bowl of cereal and a great game - which reminds me that i totally forgot to pick up milk on my way here. stupid! now i will have to go to the store.

tomorrow i have a meeting with the district superintendent to discuss ordination. sometimes i am so ready to go with it all, and then there are days when i think i should just be happy with things the way they are - but i suspect that is my anxiety talking, trying to trick me into giving up on something that would be a good thing because i am terrified of change, failure, and/or rejection.

this is why, of course, i still haven't published a book.

perhaps a nap is in order.

love!

we DID it!

2008-09-14T13:00:00.003-05:00

jon and i managed to ride our bikes 25 miles yesterday in the rain to earn the $800 we raised for the pancreatic cancer action network. above is our before the ride picture...jon had a wonderful idea of stopping at target before we went, and there were rainsuits on clearance, and we ended up needing them AND being the envy of other riders because we had them.

now...the ride itself...i was composing blog entries in my head during part of the ride to pass some time, actually. it went pretty well, except that i just feel pretty self conscious about the fact that i am just starting to get into shape, and thus i am a pretty slow bike rider. jon could easily have finished much more quickly without me, but he stuck with me for the whole ride and kept reminding me that it wasn't a race. he's a good guy, despite what the tabloids have been saying about him.

my play by play:

miles 1-7: the hardest stretch for me, by far. i was just getting warmed up and there were some pretty tough hills in the first stretch. i walked up half of one hill, and probably could've ridden it, but i had psyched myself out so bad in that first few miles. by mile 6 i was considering just doing the 8 mile loop and calling it a day. but then i remembered that people gave money because i promised to do something, so we kept going.

miles 7-20: these were not so bad at all. i hit a stride (for me) and felt pretty good, the path was fairly level, and the rain made it feel like an adventure. we passed some bikers down - the rain made for slippery biking and some people were just going too fast and trying to take turns...and a few popped tires.

miles 20-25: i was in good spirits, besides feeling like the tortoise...slow and steady. i was getting pretty slow as my legs got tired, but we did finish the ride and we did it in 2.5 hours, and we didn't get hurt. so yay for us!

now, because i am a pretty slow rider, and because i am used to being good at things and i am not yet a good cyclist, i was very self conscious about the riders passing us on the path. because it seemed like EVERYONE passed us...(of course, everyone who PASSED us passed us...and that felt like everyone in the ride, but i doubt that it was).

so i developed a scale for how badly i should feel about each rider who passed me...here's what i came up with:

i won't feel bad at all if the rider passing me:

is wearing a cycling jersey
is clearly in great shape
has matching helmet, shoes, and bicycle
is wearing a shirt from a different charity bike ride
has a nice/expensive brand of bicycle

i will feel a little bad if the rider passing me:

is a girl who is heavier than i am but fits one of the above categories
is old enough to be my grandparent but in good shape
is wearing jeans

i will feel awful if the rider passing me:

is a girl heavier than me who doesn't fit the above categories
is old enough to be my grandparent in grandparent shape
is a small child
is on foot

i guess at the end of it all, i am proud that i did something that was a stretch for me...my grandma and my friend died from this awful disease and i could've done something to honor them that is easy for me - write about them (and i have), walk somewhere, sing a song - but instead, i took on a challenge and did something to honor them that was not simple or comfortable for me (i will spare you photos of my bicycle-seat bruises!).

so that is cool. and it's just one more gift those strong, beautiful women gave to me - the motivation to do something that has been great for my health and my body - to get me back on track with better eating and daily workouts - because i need those things in my life.

so thanks grandma and thanks mary ellen!

love.

and we're off!

2008-09-13T07:44:00.005-05:00

think strong, physically fit thoughts for us this morning...

...we're riding 25 miles for pancreatic cancer research...

...and for the beautiful women pictured above, in honor and in memory of their lives and their loves and their joy...

...and it's raining!

love!

911...emergency

2008-09-11T14:27:00.003-05:00

i am trying to have a good day today. the thing is, i know that i feel sad, and i know why...because i am full of remembering on this day every year. there is the national stage for grief and remembrance that happens on this day, and then there are our own, private griefs that we have this day or any other day, like the one i carry because my friend katie mcclary died on september 11, 2004 at the age of 25...and when she died, i was younger than she, and i was in awe of her confidence and her humor, and the comfort with which she carried herself. but now i am older than she was then...28 and still unsure of myself, though becoming more comfortable with my space on this dirtball we occupy.

katie wasn't sick, and her death was not something anyone expected or had time to prepare for, and it wasn't easy for anyone to process. but our level of readiness doesn't define the movement of the world, it doesn't permit or deny others from behaving however they choose, and it doesn't keep things from hurting.

i was thinking today, that while we are all hoping or praying or living towards the idea of peace, ultimately even complete and uninterrupted peace on earth doesn't cure all of the sadnesses we face. the people we love are still fleeting, as are we, and even if we accomplished some form of living together gracefully, we would still have to face loss and confusion and pain.

so maybe it's okay to be sad today. because my sadness is borne from being connected to another human being. and how beautiful is that? to be connected to other human beings and to share with them when we are happy, sad, proud, unsure, confused, excited, angry, etc.? i think it's pretty beautiful...

...and maybe it's okay to remember.

love.

tuesday kisses...

2008-09-09T14:45:00.003-05:00

so. it's tuesday, and i have a fairly normal week ahead of me, and everything in my life is fairly under control, and still i feel anxious. i feel sad. i feel worried.

i think it's september. september has been a tough month in recent years, and a lot of hard things have happened to me in september...things i wish hadn't happened, or things that represent what i see as failures in my life.

this morning, driving to work, i was thinking about some of my september memories, and i started to cry, and then i realized that i can't live the rest of my life feeling sad about things that happened in other places and other times. i will always miss the people i lost in septembers, and i may always feel like i failed at certain things that might've turned out differently had i succeeded...but those things can't define how i feel about my life now. because my life now is amazing.

so i was thinking about where i am - and how amazing life has become for me. how did i get here? how did i manage to find a job, nowhere near where i was looking, that has been the most perfect fit i could imagine? how did i stumble upon this sweet minnesota boy who makes me feel happy and beautiful and adored every single day? why did i get to be born with a family who, despite my best efforts to be awful, has always loved me and been there for me?

it's a sweet life, and i may be having a melancholy day on the inside, but still i'm well aware of how beautiful the world can be.

how's that for sap?

some things that make life great:

2008-09-08T15:16:00.002-05:00

spending time with friends...

...and giant donuts.

mmm.

i just wanted you all to know...

2008-09-05T18:19:00.002-05:00

...that this boy makes me really, really happy...

and how about a haiku on friday?

topic: the rnc
(feel free to post your own rnc haiku poems in the comments!)

here's my haiku:

the republicans
have come, nominated, gone...
now, we clean saint paul.

my day at the RNC...

2008-09-04T20:35:00.004-05:00

well...as you may know, if you know me or read here often, one of the projects i work on each year is an event called the box city vigil for youth homelessness (see 2006, 2007, 2008). it's an event put on by teenagers hoping to make aware, educate, and call to action other teenagers and adults with regard to the hundreds of youth in minnesota without reliable housing. it's a large scale event that takes months of planning and happens at the state capitol in the spring. i work with each group of teens as they plan the annual event, protecting them so that they can really be the ones to organize it, advocating for them with other community groups, helping them strategize, and generally teaching them about how to organize within a community and how to put on a large-scale event. it's been a good, albeit stressful, thing for me to do over the years.

2009 will be the 5th annual box city vigil event, and we were invited this year to attend the republican national convention at a reception hosted by best buy to spotlight organizations who work with youth. so, my colleague from the coalition for the homeless and i brought one of our 17 year old organizers along and we schmoozed with delegates and governors and executives and ate some free food. the best part, for me, was watching courtney really excel - sharing with some pretty intimidating folks about what her project is and why she got involved and where she hopes it might lead.

and we found out that bcv is eligible for a $10,000 grant this year from best buy! that would be an amazing boost for this particular event and would be a great accomplishment for all the young people who've worked on it over the years. i was/am proud.

and otherwise, the city has been swamped with police presence EVERYWHERE...but it's been fun having lots of visitors in town to encounter and ask how they are liking saint paul. because well, i'm fond of the place and i like hearing people say they've had a nice time here, even if i don't like the particular reasons why they've come.

notes to the church bully:

2008-09-04T10:41:00.002-05:00

i.
hey you -
you child -
of god...
who told you
that you were so
small?
who made you believe
that you had to prove yourself
with a smile and a stab,
by cutting off your friends
at the ankles
while wearing new heels?

ii.
i suspect that you believe
your own lips
when they boldly proclaim
that you humbly seek to serve
god or anyone else,
when your tantrums suggest
that you prefer to be personally exalted
among the masses.

iii.
we are all lonely,
child(ren)
throwing rocks into the water,
creating splashes and ripples
until our fingers bleed,
to win...
to prove something

unprovable.

but please,
my friend whom i have loved,
stop throwing your rocks
at my face.

iv.
when you attack,
my skin stretches
to keep me warm and safe
until it cracks,
allowing the words you whisper
to poison my blood.
but today i throw off
the temptation
to defend myself against
your bitterness
and insecurity...
your not-so-well-hidden sadness
which i neither caused
nor control.

v.
hey you -
you child -
of god...
i am just another
(child)
doing the best that i can do
each day
and i promise you that i have never,
not even once,
awakened to a new day
with the hope
of hurting you.

raw2008

frustrating...

2008-09-02T09:55:00.003-05:00

the news is upsetting...

...there are a lot of things about which the republican party and i disagree - strongly...

but i do believe that they should be able to have their meeting, to follow the political process, to see their speakers and participate in the system...

...and they should be able to do so without being afraid for their safety.

if you need to protest to remind them that you disagree with the war or their leadership choices or their economic policies, by ALL means...that is an important part of fighting for change. but i don't see how you further your cause, and you CERTAINLY do not help any of us who genuinely seek peace and justice, by throwing bricks at cars, slashing tires, and generally destroying what i happen to think is a very beautiful city.

so...please, please, please knock it off. if you want to change the world, then get out and vote...volunteer...ride your bike instead of driving the six blocks to the store...have meaningful conversations with people that involve the exchange of ideas...seek to live peacefully with your friends and neighbors...create spaces where ideas can be freely expressed and exchanged...

...but please stop destroying our city.

thank you.

HAHAHAHA!

2008-09-01T10:01:00.003-05:00

Parachutists land at Duke instead of North Carolina

Someone dropped in unexpectedly at the Duke game on Saturday.

About an hour before kickoff against James Madison, two parachutists landed at the 35-yard line at Wallace Wade Stadium with a game ball, according to a story in the Raleigh News & Observer.

The Blue Devils hadn't scheduled the event, however. The jumpers were supposed to land eight miles down the road in Chapel Hill, N.C., before the North Carolina game.

all i can tell you is that there is NOBODY who would drop in to a DUKE football game on purpose. seriously...i have been to them...it's a basketball school!

...after a brief hiatus...

2008-09-01T08:43:00.008-05:00

...there is SO much to tell!

let's try and get this entry done in a somewhat organized fashion, eh?

FIVE THINGS RACHAEL WANTS TO TELL YOU ABOUT:

5. last saturday, after the last blog entry, the busy week began with a super cool outing. cat and jon and i went to the metrodome for the STEELERS preseason game against the vikings. it was a lot of fun, actually, and got me to thinking that the world might be a friendlier place if all games were preseason - if every week athletes were fighting to stay on a team, to keep a paycheck for playing a game, and if every week the fans from the two sides could hang out together in the stands and have a good time without anyone being so invested that they have to get mean or rude or angry...

4. a bike riding update for you because, i am certain, you want to know. we did a really great route on thursday that actually restored my hope that we might be able to do the 25 miler this month. we did about 16 miles, but it was ridable and i didn't feel quite so awful at the end...it involved a few less hills, which can make all the difference...besides, i am getting in slightly better shape due to...

3. i am back on a real plan to drop some poundage and get into better shape. i know what it takes to buckle down and really lose weight, and i was pretty successful in 2007 at dropping quite a bit, but i put some of it back on and have been lazy about it in the recent months - which says something good, i think, about being comfortable and content. but it's time to get back on track and really do this - and the fact that i huff and puff up every hill on a bike is great motivation to lose another 30 lbs. so jon got me a program to track my food and exercise, and it's right up my analytical alley with lots of charts and graphs and percentages. i've also taken to the elliptical machine daily, starting with thirty minutes a day at the beginning, and now less than ten days in i've upped it to 45. today, being labor day and all, i might just go for an hour. the machine is helping me build endurance and that should help on the bike ride.

and in the first week (granted, first weeks do go faster than the subsequent ones, but still) i managed to drop FIVE POUNDS! and so with that we're off like a herd of turtles, on our way to a thinner, fitter, ridiculously hot rachael in time for the holidays!

2. it's state fair time here in minnesota! well, today is the last day of the big event, but it's been fun. jon and i went on friday in the early morning hours and saw the animals, the buildings, the lumberjack show (a new personal favorite). we ate pretty modestly that day - and we stayed only until noon. we saw a baby chilling in a sheep pen. that was a highlight. we went back with my dad and sister on sunday afternoon and did some shopping, lots of walking...and dad had jon to talk tractors and cars with him. cat made me play guitar hero for the first time and i was not very good. we also watched the parade, which was pretty disappointing. good thing we make our own fun in this family!

1. the long-awaited rnc has descended upon saint paul. i will be happy to give you a more personal take than you might be getting on your local news, or even on the cable networks. so far, pretty much all that it means is that we can't drive or ride our bikes in saint paul within a fairly wide radius of the xcel energy center. yesterday i was driving to pick up jon for the fair and came to a stop light where a state trooper car pulled up next to me, and in the back seat was a (self) important looking man in a suit. behind the trooper car was an expedition carrying two beefy, suited and sunnglass-ed guards of some sort. too bad i just am not up to date on the latest republican celebrities, or i might've realized how life changing of a moment that was for me.

meanwhile, they say the president won't even be coming, and i can't really feign disappointment on that one.

happy labor day! i hope you find some time to rest!

love.

celebrate...

2008-08-23T12:04:00.003-05:00

do you know what today is?

nope, it's not dress like your significant other day...but that's a great guess. actually, today marks six months since jon and i went on our first date! who knew? and here we are, still together, riding bikes around saint paul...

the thing is, we're doing the kind of bike riding that fifteen year old boys do ALL the TIME...but i'm not a fifteen year old boy. i am a chubby almost-thirty-something girl who is getting my ass kicked by the bicycle (even with the fancy new seat).

but we're trucking away at it nonetheless. yesterday we did just over 17 miles and today we went out and did another 9 and a quarter...jon probably could've done at least 5 more today, but my muscles were sore, my rear end was in severe pain, and i was whining.

still, i'm pretty proud of us, and we'll get better and better (i really, really hope).

it's the hills that kill me, but as you can see here, jon takes them like a professional. he's pretty impressive.

right this very moment, jon is epoxy-repairing a broken nut on my acoustic guitar...with his bare hands...which, i might add, is not recommended.

more later - TONIGHT we see the STEELERS!

love.

swimming in the soup...

2008-08-21T08:52:00.007-05:00

a photo montage to express just one of the simple, beautiful reasons why i love my amazing life:

love!

every day's a monday...

2008-08-19T08:45:00.006-05:00

at least it feels like it. especially the mornings. when did i become so lazy? i swear i have been more cranky in the last month than in my whole life...well, that might be an exaggeration, but still...crabby pants for me recently.

but really, life is good.

work:
work is hard - i'm creating new safe-children policies and procedures for screening volunteers who work with kids, which is a really important thing to do well, but never an easy thing to accomplish. it's amazing how people who work with children, who should understand best of all why we need to have policies in place for background checks that apply to everyone, are the same people who complain and say things like, "why don't you trust me," or "i've had my background checked before. this is redundant." as if i have access to their employers' records or something...and as if we should be picking and choosing who we do or do not ask to fill out the paperwork. sheesh!

i'm also gearing up for school to start in a couple of weeks, meaning that things at work hit full stride again and i go back to the 60-80 hour work weeks for which i've become so famous. but this is one of my favorite times of year because there is so much anticipation and so much potential for me to rock the universe with the most amazing church youth program ever to exist. that feeling doesn't last long into the year, so i like to savor it now.

and, i have another preaching date lined up for the fall...hoping to get maybe two more in before the end of the year. and i have a meeting coming up to take the ordination thing to the next step. so things are busy in lots of good ways.

life:
it's just a strange dance, i guess. there's nothing to predict, nothing to know that will for sure make you ready for what will happen. a woman was in church on sunday morning...older, but healthy...not someone i was particularly close to, but she came up to me and told me that she enjoyed the service...and two hours later an aneurysm popped in her brain and she died. life.

jon is working and working on his house. we are trying to gear up for some longer bike rides this week/weekend. i am reminded lately of how much i suck at the doting girlfriend role...but we're hitting six months sometime in the next week or so, and i'd say that's pretty good considering we still seem to like each other.
this weekend cat and i are singing in church...so that should be an adventure and a half. also on saturday we are going to see the steelers at the metrodome for a little exhibition game. we're pretty pumped anytime we get to check them out in person.

like i said, life is good...ready for the routine to get into motion and enjoy the ride.

last night jon and i caught one of the last saint paul saints games for the year. it was fun, of course, because we are fun people and it was a really nice night to be outside...but the game itself...well it was long, for one thing. but the entertainment factor is definitely higher at the minor league games.

i PROMISE that i will try to come up with something interesting/meaningful/entertaining/useful to post at some point today. sorry you've had to abide the blogging drought as of late.

love!

i don't know what to say...

2008-08-16T09:51:00.003-05:00

...perhaps that is why i haven't been blogging so much...

last week i worked, hung out with jon, and that's about it. things at work are starting to ramp up for fall, i'm making plans to start the ordination proess, jon is working on his house...even as i type this i can hear him and his dad mixing cement...which i guess makes me the lazy kid sitting inside on the computer.

we haven't gone biking since last weekend, a combination of busy schedules and construction-weariness. we'll have to find a day this week to squeeze in a pretty long ride.

i don't know why i feel so...blah inside myself right now...i guess it is a combination of that summer-schedule slowness that i desperately need and yet which makes me feel lazy and uninspired, the anxiety of starting a new year with the kids and wanting to do well, and the general up-in-the-air nature of so many things in my life and in the world. i just want to do a good job, to do the things that people need me to do, and not to let everyone down all of the time.

i am playing the jug tomorrow and i still need to find a jug. for church. hehe.

annnnd...i want to get this book finished. can i sell you a copy or ten?

love.

trying to type...can't concent...is that the new ikea catalogue?

2008-08-09T13:15:00.004-05:00

hello, my loves! well, the daily posting has obviously been a bit of a challenge for me lately. i am sorry...i shall do my best this week not to leave you in the dark anymore. last week we had vbs at work, so my mornings were full and my afternoons were busy doing all the things i didn't have time to do in the mornings. also, my back hurt a lot and so i was cranky.

there are a lot of things on my mind, and it may take more than one post to work them all out, so let's just start this one with some updates and pictures, shall we?

i got to spend friday as the "babysitter" AND also tell all the VBS kids about working with kids around the world. the kids were way engaged so it was very cool...as you can see, i take my job VERY seriously.

friday night i was crabby and moody and achy and sad and i made my sweet boyfriend crazy...we did go look around some thrift stores because we are desperately seeking a washboard (don't ask)...but we didn't find one.

jon has been working this week on his house remodel project...so he's kinda dirty and sweaty a lot (which is uber sexy, of course!)...and now when you come up the driveway, you can be greeted by a pile of broken up concrete and dirt. it's pretty amazing how much work he has done already.

this morning, determined to be crabby NO MORE, i decided i would bike to the farmer's market in st. paul to get some sweet corn...we are going to jon's friend (john's) house tonight to grill, so it will be a good addition! it's about 3.5 miles. jon came with me too, so we biked to the market and then went down by the river for a ways and then home...we did about 12 miles, which is a good training ride for our 25 mile ride coming up in september to benefit pancreatic cancer.

while we were at the market, we ran into, of all people, al franken...so that was fun(ny).

a few notes from my world...

2008-08-04T17:59:00.001-05:00

since it's been a while and i haven't really filled you in much...

things have been blurry, but mostly in a good way. i'm broke, but happy and surviving. plus, i've learned that my definition of broke is really freaking wealthy when placed in a context broader than, oh, the southwestern suburbs of minneapolis.

work is good now that i'm finally back there. my boss is sick of me being away all summer and that is nice because it means that he missed me, but it also means that the work is piling up these days. i've got some meetings over the next month to work on the ordination process and see if we're gonna give 'er a go...so i'll keep you posted on that. reverend rachael, anyone? even gives me the chills. this week we've got vacation bible school running, a pretty major operation, and so i get to walk around and hug kids and act silly, but the morning hours are no good for accomplishing work. i'm doing fall calendar stuff, making some basic plans, getting ready to update websites and such, choosing curriculums for bible studies and sunday school classes and even a new spiritual growth through journaling group that i'm starting. i know, i know, it's a very exciting life i lead.

jon and i got going on the bike rides and then i way damaged my spine last week on thursday so i've been mostly flat on the floor or writhing...in pain...seriously. but today it's a bit better and i'm mostly off drugs, so we should be back to the pedals in a day or two getting ready for our 25 mile jaunt.

and also, we went to the twins game yesterday and liriano came back and looked solid at the mound, and the twins took first place after chicago lost...so that's fun too. let's share more pictures, shall we?

apparently not. apparently blogger does not want to upload my photos right now. maybe another time. thanks for playing.

finally, let me just say that traffic.sucks.my.toe.

and this, my friends, is my life today.

love!

thankful...

2008-08-04T10:39:00.003-05:00

geesh, a whole week since the last post. i'm really slacking.

first things first.

4 august 2008,

today i am thankful for:

jon warner
my family
ice packs
advil
rainy days
the TWINS
liriano's great return
good coffee
kids
and big kids
work that is fulfilling
work that keeps me busy
yogurt
summer fruit
new ideas
old friends
pizza
ice cream

...and love...

a dream series...

2008-07-28T10:19:00.003-05:00

i.
i sleep lightly -
often waking just enough for
a word
or a phrase...
or, if i'm lucky, a kiss.

dreams come in that
shallow
sleep,

like surprise visits from friends -
brief encounters, generally
pleasant and sometimes
bearing news.

i dreamed that he left in the night
to paint
because my whimpers and snores
kept him from resting...

i rolled sometime later and
the ceiling was transformed:
deep blue swimming with patterns of paisley
and spirals in yellow, orange, and pink.

i whispered in his ear,
i love you, amazing boy!
and he smiled, without opening his eyes
because he thought i meant something else...

...and the ceiling was still white.

ii.
i walked into a room -
the cold, tiled kind with
falsely bright bulletin boards,
the kind that betray the trust
of children.

in a green, plaid lawn chair sat my friend,
bright eyed and smiling
the way she looked before
the sickness hollowed her cheeks.

to my left, a table.
she pointed to a small garden
growing beneath it.
a whole world grew under that table,
and in it everyone lived.

she pointed right
and there a casket -
her casket,
cradling her broken body,
eyelids wide with pancake makeup.

it's strange, she said,
when you are alive,
but everyone thinks you are dead.